I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
