i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
