I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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