I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
