And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wear drunk well.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
