I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize