Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize