Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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