Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
do nipples grow back?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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