Are we in a gay sports bar?
now i know why i became what i already was.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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