you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
