I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
