Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
