Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
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