at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
