If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is wine microwaveable?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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