I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize