so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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