Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
