Did you just see the Batmobile???
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I supernannyed him into submission
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
