I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
