she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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