addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize