dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
