shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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