It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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