the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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