also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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