The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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