On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
