The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
