I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
