covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
farters have to be the big spoon...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would ride that face into the sunset
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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