I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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