i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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