I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize