the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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