I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
