she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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