I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
