Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
