just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
