he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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