remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We had sex on a dog bed..
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
