Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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