and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
