It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
