I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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