She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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