Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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