it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
