I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
