WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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