If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize