I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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