gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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