my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize