This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I FOUND THE LEGS
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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