girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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