Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
