Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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