she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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