I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
