we have pet lesbian snakes
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
