2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize