I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Who died my cat blue again?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
