I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
