allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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