I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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