So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
