Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
