my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
