well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
