Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
